As the kids grew older and started going to school I found myself wanting to do more. I wanted to work. I had actually worked a couple of jobs over the years but for various reasons, those jobs didn't pan out. Either they weren't conducive with his work schedule, he worked sales; or they weren't conducive with his sports schedules, he played on three softball leagues and played wallyball too. On occasion, he was known to visit the local watering hole after work for some refreshments with colleagues or friends to relieve the stresses of the tough life that he led. It was clear, to me at least, that the kids and I just didn't matter to him anymore. That's how I felt anyway.
The youngest of our children was getting ready to start 1st grade. That meant that he'd be at school for a full day! Yay! :) Through a family friend I found a full time job working retail. I loved it right away. The hours were somewhat flexible. The hours that I needed someone to watch the kids, I had a few moms in the neighborhood that were willing to step in and grab the kids off the bus til we could make it home. It was great. Within the first 3 months on the job, I had been promoted 3 times. I had made a ton of friends and get this....I lost some weight. Who wouldn't love that, right!? I was looking great. I felt great! I was making my own money, yet something still wasn't right. I still didn't have very much freedom. It was all very...I don't know quite how to explain it.
Anyway, my husband had won a trip from work for two to the Caribbean. We went in January. We had a good time, or so I thought. In reality, we were on two very separate vacations. He was very much into partying and wanting to hit every bar on the resort and ready to get drunk as soon as we were done with breakfast. Me, on the other hand, I wanted to lay on the beach, read my book, soak up the rays, and relax. I wanted to ENJOY my quiet time. If I wanted to sit on the beach, he would get upset. If I wanted to take a nap in the afternoon, he would get upset. He was constantly drinking and ready to go for anything. I can honestly say that we never did hit any of the nightclubs at the resort. He just drank himself into such a frenzy that by the end of the day, he was to far gone and would inevitably find himself passed out just after dinner. I would just lay there and read my book. ;)
While in paradise, something in my awakened. Do I really want to be this person that babysits the alcoholic? Haven't I been doing this for the last 11 years already? Isn't it time for me to do something for me? I thought long and hard about these questions. When am I going to be the one that gets noticed? Yes, I have children. Yes, they come first. But what happens when their needs are met? Who comes next in line? Why do I always have to be last? I'm tired of being last. I decided it was time to put my foot down and stand up for myself and that is exactly what I did.
There was a course of events that took place throughout the next few months that I will leave out to protect parties involved. What happened next, he filed for divorce.
Was I surprised? Yes and no. Was I upset? Yes and no. The only question left to answer was....now what?
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