Life in the Midwest hasn't always been easy. Growing up I had a huge family with all the trials and tribulations that came with one. At every family function, whether it was holidays or birthdays, we had a huge celebration. Now that I was in the Midwest, I missed all of that. I had a made a decision to move 2,000 miles away from the only family that I had ever known and now I had to live with that decision.
It was extremely difficult at first. But eventually, it got easier. My new family had an incredibly large group of friends that were basically considered extended family members. They were all wonderful people and I am now proud to say that they were played an intricate part in making the Midwest home for me.
Throughout the years, I learned that life as a stay-at-home mom is very difficult. Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute that I had with my children. But there has got to be something said about the state of imprisonment that we mothers sometimes feel if we aren't allowed an outlet. There comes a point when getting out without your children is extremely important. I mean, it's not everyday in the adult world that you can tell your adult friend, "Be right back, I have to go potty." Who does that? I'll tell you who....stay-at-home moms and dads that's who. We spend all day around children and have virtually NO adult contact. That's how it was for me.
I didn't notice it at first, but little by little, as the kids got older and were gone for longer periods in the day, I began to notice the lack of respect and appreciation for what I did day in and day out.
My husband would come home to a clean house with dinner cooking and because I was in Pjs still or comfy clothes, he would get upset with me and pick a fight. He'd yell at me with a "WTF did you do all day?" He almost always overlooked the fact that the house was clean and dinner was cooking or ready. It didn't matter that the kids were well taken care of and that homework was already done. It didn't matter that on top of the housework and cooking, that I also may have taken care of the yardwork that was overgrown. I was a scapegoat for his anger and frustration for a bad day in sales. It sucks, but it's the cold hard truth.
That was the beginning of the end. Little by little, it got worse. The arguments became more frequent over less trivial things. It was ridiculous.
During my time at home, I also took time to obtain my college degree via online courses. Every ounce of my Montgomery GI Bill that we received each month went into the household budget and not toward my education as it was meant to be used. Now I sit with $40K + in student loans because of it. It's almost like he felt he was entitled to that money since I wasn't working. At least, that's how I see it now that I'm looking back.
Speaking of looking back, I wonder if he looks back even now and wonders what he could've done differently...I guess I'll never know, now do I want to.
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