Life in the Midwest hasn't always been easy. Growing up I had a huge family with all the trials and tribulations that came with one. At every family function, whether it was holidays or birthdays, we had a huge celebration. Now that I was in the Midwest, I missed all of that. I had a made a decision to move 2,000 miles away from the only family that I had ever known and now I had to live with that decision.
It was extremely difficult at first. But eventually, it got easier. My new family had an incredibly large group of friends that were basically considered extended family members. They were all wonderful people and I am now proud to say that they were played an intricate part in making the Midwest home for me.
Throughout the years, I learned that life as a stay-at-home mom is very difficult. Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute that I had with my children. But there has got to be something said about the state of imprisonment that we mothers sometimes feel if we aren't allowed an outlet. There comes a point when getting out without your children is extremely important. I mean, it's not everyday in the adult world that you can tell your adult friend, "Be right back, I have to go potty." Who does that? I'll tell you who....stay-at-home moms and dads that's who. We spend all day around children and have virtually NO adult contact. That's how it was for me.
I didn't notice it at first, but little by little, as the kids got older and were gone for longer periods in the day, I began to notice the lack of respect and appreciation for what I did day in and day out.
My husband would come home to a clean house with dinner cooking and because I was in Pjs still or comfy clothes, he would get upset with me and pick a fight. He'd yell at me with a "WTF did you do all day?" He almost always overlooked the fact that the house was clean and dinner was cooking or ready. It didn't matter that the kids were well taken care of and that homework was already done. It didn't matter that on top of the housework and cooking, that I also may have taken care of the yardwork that was overgrown. I was a scapegoat for his anger and frustration for a bad day in sales. It sucks, but it's the cold hard truth.
That was the beginning of the end. Little by little, it got worse. The arguments became more frequent over less trivial things. It was ridiculous.
During my time at home, I also took time to obtain my college degree via online courses. Every ounce of my Montgomery GI Bill that we received each month went into the household budget and not toward my education as it was meant to be used. Now I sit with $40K + in student loans because of it. It's almost like he felt he was entitled to that money since I wasn't working. At least, that's how I see it now that I'm looking back.
Speaking of looking back, I wonder if he looks back even now and wonders what he could've done differently...I guess I'll never know, now do I want to.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
In the beginning....
I never thought that I would ever be divorced and fighting for the right to see my children. I never, for even a second, thought this would be how I was supposed to watch my children grow and see them, or not see them, go through the most difficult and most influential years of their childhood...but here I sit, alone.
In the beginning, I wasn't even planning on having a child right away. When it happened, I welcomed the opportunity. I was ready. I instantly wanted desperately to be a mother. There were those that supported me, and those that didn't. But in the end, I know deep down that I made the right decision.
My first born was brought into this world in 1996. I was 21, married, had a career, and I was now a Mom. Nothing could have prepared me for the road that lay ahead. The first two years of his life were fairly uneventful. The only downfall, was that I was a working Mom. I didn't get to spend the immense amount of time that I wanted to with my son. But he didn't suffer from it. He is a wonderful man, well....almost; he's only 14, let's not rush things.
In 1998, my husband and I brought a beautiful princess into this world. She was definitely her mother's daughter. She refused to let anyone else hold her but her mom. That's my girl. In mid 1998, we made a major move. We left behind everything we had known for the last 2 years and headed to my husband's hometown. It was unlike anything that I had ever seen. I had never before experienced a complete change of seasons and I was absolutely in love. I was 2,000 miles away from my family and I was OK.
I was living the life. I had a husband, who adored me, and worked his tail off so that I didn't have to. I was afforded the opportunity to stay home with my children. It was great. Though I missed the first 2 years of my son's life, I more than made up for them in the next 8 years.
In 1999, we welcomed another son into our family. What a difference between the two boys, in both personality and looks. Each of the kids are different in their own way, and I love them all the same. They are absolutely my pride, joy and reason for existing. Our youngest son added to our family in a way I never thought possible. He always seems to have a smile on his face.
For the next 8 years, I spent a lot of precious time with my children. I went on school field trips, went to all parent-teacher conferences, helped out in classrooms and with sporting events. Attended all practices and games. They were my life in every way.
Through the years, my relationship with my husband began to change. Little by little at first, and then drastically. Little did I know, that change would forever alter our lives.
In the beginning, I wasn't even planning on having a child right away. When it happened, I welcomed the opportunity. I was ready. I instantly wanted desperately to be a mother. There were those that supported me, and those that didn't. But in the end, I know deep down that I made the right decision.
My first born was brought into this world in 1996. I was 21, married, had a career, and I was now a Mom. Nothing could have prepared me for the road that lay ahead. The first two years of his life were fairly uneventful. The only downfall, was that I was a working Mom. I didn't get to spend the immense amount of time that I wanted to with my son. But he didn't suffer from it. He is a wonderful man, well....almost; he's only 14, let's not rush things.
In 1998, my husband and I brought a beautiful princess into this world. She was definitely her mother's daughter. She refused to let anyone else hold her but her mom. That's my girl. In mid 1998, we made a major move. We left behind everything we had known for the last 2 years and headed to my husband's hometown. It was unlike anything that I had ever seen. I had never before experienced a complete change of seasons and I was absolutely in love. I was 2,000 miles away from my family and I was OK.
I was living the life. I had a husband, who adored me, and worked his tail off so that I didn't have to. I was afforded the opportunity to stay home with my children. It was great. Though I missed the first 2 years of my son's life, I more than made up for them in the next 8 years.
In 1999, we welcomed another son into our family. What a difference between the two boys, in both personality and looks. Each of the kids are different in their own way, and I love them all the same. They are absolutely my pride, joy and reason for existing. Our youngest son added to our family in a way I never thought possible. He always seems to have a smile on his face.
For the next 8 years, I spent a lot of precious time with my children. I went on school field trips, went to all parent-teacher conferences, helped out in classrooms and with sporting events. Attended all practices and games. They were my life in every way.
Through the years, my relationship with my husband began to change. Little by little at first, and then drastically. Little did I know, that change would forever alter our lives.
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